Sunday, January 29, 2006

Another Astounding discovery about Texas

If you read my previous post, you will know that Jason's Deli gave me enough corned beef in their gousih Reuben sandwich to feed the average Third world village for a week. Thusk, I decided to skip dinner, but I did stop in the HEB store in a small south Texas town (aka "God's country") to get a snack and some alcoholic beverage.

The grocery stores here limit their alcohol sales to beer & wine, and I wasn't in the mood for Beer. Perhpas it was the six-pack of Lone Star I bought on my last trip that gave me a headache and gas pains. I was only able to drink one bottle, I left the rest for the hotel maid. I guess that was OK, they didn't call the police the next time I checked in. But no, I think I just wanted something cold, sweet, and not too filling. But not "Jack Daniels Country Cocktails"

These are "alcopops" that the activists like the Center for Science in the Public Interest claim are inducing teenagers to drink. Well, the CPSI may have data to support its claim, but in my experience, if these alcopops were the only alcoholic beverages arounbd, I'd have no problem keeping dry. They, like the Lone Star Beer, gave me gas pains and a headache.

But I had a powerful thirst, and I wanted to kill a few brain cells in the bargain. But what to drink? A bottle of wine? No, too much, and after it's uncorked, it goes bad. But I look some more, and what do I see in the chiller right next to the alcopops, but an older favorite: Woodchuck Draft Cider!

I can't believe it. Here in the heart of Red State God's Country. They actually sell a product from granola-crunching Vermont! And a product I happen to like. Well, I've downed half a sixpack, and so far, nothing but a pleasant buzz, no gas, no headache. Obviously because, unlike the products of mass-marked breweries (and alcopops are basically just sweet flavored beer), Woodchuck is nothing more than fermented apple juice, no chemical additives.

But still, I don't know what's happening to Texas. First, I find a very well-made Chardonnay (Becker Vinyards). made in Texas What's going on? Chardonay is the drink of effete Ble-staters like John Kerry. A real manly Texan eat beef and only beef, and chardonnay doesn't go with beef. Real Manly Texans drink Lone Star Beer with their barbecued beef and grilled steaks, unles they're obscenely rich oilmen, in which case, they drink red wine from fancy Bordeaux first growths. Chardonnay? From Texas? And now I see that they also drink wimply Vermont cider.

Oy, what;s the world coming to? How will to make sense of the world through simplistic cultural stereotypes. What will I find out next? That people in New England like country music? That not all Jews are smart?

The world is too complicated. Better open anpother bottle of Woodchuck.


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