Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Help me interpret this dream

My cousin Yosef heard this, and he wouldn't interpret it, but told me to go see a shrink. But maybe some of my loyal readers can help.

I'm driving a car through the desert. At first I thought it was the Negev, but then I noticed that the landscape was green. Green from all the cacti and other desert plants. No, this wasn't Israel. Then I saw a road sign: US 385. Where the hell was I? I was driving a 1967 Sussita with expired Israeli license plates, and I sure didn't want to get stopped by some redneck state trooper in the US.

Finally, a sign by the road, brown wood with the familiar National Park Service arrowhead logo:

Big Bend National Park

WTF? I'm in Texas! Come to think of it, I was in Texas when I went to sleep, but I was about 250 miles to the east. I've always wanted to go to Big Bend, but there certainly wasn't time to do so on this trip. And the rental car company at the San Antonio airport gave me a 2008 Chevrolet Malibu, not a Sussita (thank God!).

Well, what could I do but stop at the entrance station to pay my fee, but it was closed. A notice tacked up on the window said to drive the quarter mile to the Persimmon Gap Visitor Center and pay the entrance fee. When I got out of the car, I noticed that it was about 115 in the shade. Why I didn't notice that before puzzled me, because they didn't sell 1967 Sussitas with air conditioning, and so the car should have been hot as hell. Oh well, that's dreams for you.

So I walk into the Visitor Center, and there's this grandmotherly lady ranger at the desk, so I ask her about the entrance fee.

"Oh yes, it's $20 for a week," she says with a very pronounced Texas drawl, "But seeing from your car that you probably only have Israeli money, we'll take 80 lirot."

"Lirot?" It's been decades since Israel dropped the "lira," the Israeli pound, in favor of the "shekel. And why would the National Park Service take obsolete Israeli money? But I pulled out my wallet and found it was stuffed with Israel banknotes from the early 1970's. I guess that goes along with my driving a 1967 Sussita. I pulled out a bill.

"Do you have change for a Herzl?" I asked, referring to the portrait on the 100 Lira bill.

"I sure do," she says, and, after taking my money, handed me four banknotes with pictures of Albert Einstein, each worth 5 Lirot. For some reason I didn't reflect too much on why a lady park ranger from west Texas would know what a "Herzl" was and give the right change.

"So what do recommend I see in the park?" I asked after perusing an exhibit about how Jefferson Davis sent an army expedition to the area in the 1840's to see if camels would make useful mounts for the soldiers.

"Hell, the only place I'd come visit in July is the Chisos Basin, as it's about the only place where you won't fry your brain. But then, you're probably an Israeli, so you're used to brain-fries, I guess. Most people have more sense than to come here this time of year, so you won't have to worry about crowds. But go up to the basin, it's at 5,400 feet, that's 1,600 meters to your Israeli buddies, it should be tolerable up there.

"But when you're up there, watch out for the DovBears..."

"The what?" I said, mystified.

"The DovBears," she repeated. They look like regular bears, but they're chasidic or something. "

OK this is starting to get wierd when a lady with a west Texas drawl starts talking about chasidic bears.

"Anyway," she continued, "we had some folks visit here from some town in New York called Monsey, or maybe it was New Square, and they tried to talk the Superintendent into letting them hunt the DovBears. They said it was very important to protect the spirtual health of America from kefira. Well, the Superintendent didn't buy it. We just don't allow hunting in National Parks. Of course, if the Dovbears wander outside the park boundary....

"Come to think of it, I don't think you need to worry about the DovBears. You look like a Reform Jew, so protecting you from kefira is a lost cause..."

"No," I challenged her, "I'm not Reform, I'm Conservative."

"Yeah, right," she said, "if you're Conservative, then why the hell are you driving into the Park on Shabbos? Your rabbis only let you drive to shul on Shabbos... I guess you're another one of the dweebs who attends a Conservative shul, but is really Reform."

"Um, thanks," I said as I slipped out the door. What the hell is going on? A redneck Park ranger in West Texas is talking Jew stuff? And she has obsolete Israeli money in the till?

"Oh sir," the ranger came out the door and called out to me. "Y'all be careful out there. This here road is also the Comanche War Trail, and they sometimes send raiding parties down into Mexico to steal livestock and capture slaves."

What???!! Oh sure back 150 years ago, it was the Comanche War Trail, but is she serious that there are wild Indians about in the 21st century? Sure there are still Comanches, but raids to Mexico? I think she's been stationed out in this sun-blasted desert too long and needs a reassignment to a park with more moderate conditions.

Now thoroughly puzzled, I got back in my car and continued driving down the road through the desert. The scenery got a little more "Israeli," if you get my drift. More rocks and sand, less cactus and mesquite. I was starting to enjoy the drive, despite the sever heat shimmer that sometimes made it hard to see which way the road was going, when I noticed a large dust cloud ahead of me. As I drove up, my blood froze. For the dust cloud was raised by the hooves of hundreds of mounted and armed Indian warriors.


--To be continued

5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Genial dispatch and this mail helped me alot in my college assignement. Gratefulness you seeking your information.

5:25 PM  
Blogger ninest123 said...

tiffany and co, louboutin, michael kors, burberry, christian louboutin outlet, ugg boots, louboutin pas cher, ralph lauren pas cher, ugg boots, uggs on sale, polo ralph lauren outlet, longchamp outlet, louis vuitton outlet, chanel handbags, louis vuitton, oakley sunglasses, kate spade outlet, louboutin shoes, tory burch outlet, oakley sunglasses, cheap oakley sunglasses, louis vuitton, nike free, prada outlet, louis vuitton outlet, gucci outlet, longchamp pas cher, jordan shoes, oakley sunglasses, sac longchamp, air max, oakley sunglasses, polo ralph lauren outlet, nike free, nike air max, longchamp, louboutin outlet, longchamp outlet, ray ban sunglasses, ray ban sunglasses, nike air max, prada handbags, nike roshe run, replica watches, replica watches, air jordan pas cher, tiffany jewelry, louis vuitton, nike outlet, ray ban sunglasses

9:14 PM  
Blogger ninest123 said...

north face, nike free run uk, air force, michael kors outlet, hogan, nike blazer, burberry, michael kors outlet, true religion jeans, nike air max, converse pas cher, hermes, nike air max, kate spade handbags, mulberry, coach purses, vans pas cher, tn pas cher, north face, true religion jeans, lululemon, michael kors outlet, sac guess, burberry outlet online, nike roshe, true religion outlet, new balance pas cher, timberland, oakley pas cher, michael kors, michael kors, vanessa bruno, coach outlet, hollister, replica handbags, hollister pas cher, ray ban pas cher, ray ban uk, coach outlet, ugg boots, true religion jeans, abercrombie and fitch, nike air max, michael kors, michael kors, michael kors outlet, ralph lauren uk, lacoste pas cher, michael kors outlet, ugg boots

9:21 PM  
Blogger ninest123 said...

nike roshe, reebok shoes, north face outlet, nfl jerseys, timberland boots, mont blanc, asics running shoes, iphone 5s cases, insanity workout, ghd, beats by dre, babyliss, mac cosmetics, valentino shoes, wedding dresses, iphone 6s cases, iphone 6 cases, nike trainers, celine handbags, iphone 6 plus cases, longchamp, abercrombie and fitch, ferragamo shoes, birkin bag, iphone 6s plus cases, soccer jerseys, nike air max, oakley, bottega veneta, lululemon, chi flat iron, s5 cases, jimmy choo shoes, nike huarache, hollister, vans shoes, ipad cases, north face outlet, giuseppe zanotti, mcm handbags, nike air max, iphone cases, herve leger, hollister, instyler, new balance, louboutin, soccer shoes, p90x workout, baseball bats, hollister, ralph lauren

9:24 PM  
Blogger ninest123 said...

juicy couture outlet, louis vuitton, pandora charms, hollister, moncler, doudoune canada goose, pandora charms, marc jacobs, replica watches, barbour jackets, moncler, canada goose uk, barbour, ugg,uggs,uggs canada, louis vuitton, juicy couture outlet, canada goose, montre pas cher, swarovski, canada goose outlet, ugg pas cher, converse outlet, canada goose, canada goose outlet, pandora jewelry, karen millen, louis vuitton, ugg boots uk, moncler, moncler, swarovski crystal, lancel, thomas sabo, moncler, links of london, ray ban, louis vuitton, sac louis vuitton pas cher, vans, gucci, wedding dresses, coach outlet, canada goose, canada goose, bottes ugg, moncler, converse, pandora jewelry, moncler outlet, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, toms shoes, moncler, supra shoes

9:27 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home